Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
