There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
