saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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