How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
