so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize