dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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