Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
