Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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