Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
