its not stalking. its research.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize