i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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