Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
