I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
