I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
