I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
