My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
