I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
