I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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