did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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