Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
