Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
