What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
