I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i dont even know how to be here
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
