Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
