I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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