ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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