woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
