Just fell off a train. Bad.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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