Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Randomize
