I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
