Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
