Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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