For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
