Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
