apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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