Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
