I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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