i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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