Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
