You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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