Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
