i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
