guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
