Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
