She is in my trunk
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
