we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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