Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
