i will never coherently bang her
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
