So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
