I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
is this the sara with the beer cane?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
