I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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