I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
it's like iHOP with fire
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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