best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
