I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
