She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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