He kissed a someone with a penis
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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