he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
