we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
