Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
