Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
