I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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