i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
