I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
