Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Sacagawea was the original milf.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
