i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
