he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
