then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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