Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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