Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
